WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX AND MARRIAGE
By SOUGHTOUT E. MATTHEW
The Gentiles churches were established and nurtured by the Apostle Paul and Apostle Barnabas and their teams. One of the churches the established and nurtured was the Corinthian churches, who was once reported to the Apostle Paul about their unlawful sexual practices among them (See 1 Corinthians 5:1), who also wrote the Apostle Paul in their inquisitive as young Christians to find out if the practice of fornication was a right practice, since the Apostle Paul told them that having sex with one’s father’s wife was unlawful behavior. Then, the Apostle Paul in the book of first Corinthians chapter seven taught them what they should know about sex and marriage which I thought as much that we should know about sex and marriage in order to help us understand God’s will for sex and marriage and the right sexual practices.
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency”. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5
THE RIGHT PLATFORM FOR LAWFUL SEXUAL PRACTICES
Marriage is the divine platform for lawful sexual practices. It is the only platform by which every man and woman chooses his/her lawful sexual partner; and your partner should not exceed one opposite sex. Every man should have his own wife, not wives and every woman should have her own husband and not husbands.
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband”.
Having sexual partner(s) outside marriage make both the man and the woman involved in sexual activities a fornicator or an adulterer. In fact, sex outside marriage is never permitted by God and in His Church. The apostle Paul warned that such unlawful activity should not be mentioned among Christians.
One of the divine reasons for establishing marriage is to avoid fornication. And that is the reason why both couples should not deny each other sex when it is needed. Both couple should seek to satisfy each other sexually.
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband”.
Sex is one of the areas God has given mutual authority to husband and wife over each other when one of them needs it. Husband have no authority to say no to his wife when she needs his service in the area of sex and likewise to the wife, she doesn’t have power to say she won’t submit to sex when her husband needs it. In fact, both couples should be willing to submit to sex when it is needed. It is not scriptural for the husband or wife to say to his/her partner that you don’t have power over my body or you can’t have sex with me when you needs it, or except I need it, you are not permitted to come near me. That’s wrong!
The Bible commanded saying:
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife”.
It is considered as defraud when one of the couples deny each other sex when it is needed. The ground where sex will be put to hold in marriage should be when both couple consented to it, may be on the issue of giving oneself to fasting and prayers, menstruation period or health issues or when life is under threat. But after all these have come and gone, couple can resume their sexual activities.
WHAT IT MEANS TO DEFRAUD SEXUALLY IN MARRIAGE
To really understand God’s concept about the word defraud, we would be looking at the Hebrew and Greek definitions of the word. And these are:
Nâkal is a primitive root Hebrew word for to defraud. It means to act treacherously. It also implies to beguile, conspire. It is considered as to be a deceiver or to deal subtly to others.
Ashaq is another Hebrew word for defraud which implies to press upon, that is, to oppress, to use oppression, to violate, to do wrong or violence.
It is oppression to defraud your partner in the area of sex. It is a wrong exercise.
Qâba‛ is a primitive root Hebrew word for defrauds which means to cover, to rob or to spoil.
It is robbery of one’s right and privilege when a partner deprives the other sex when it is needed.
Apostereō is a Greek word for defraud which means to deprive, to despoil, to destitute or to kept back by fraud or deprivation.
It is considered as defraud to deprive your husband or wife sex. Doing so is an act of despoiling and destitution to your partner.
You don’t own yourself or your body. You are own by your husband if you are a woman and you are own by your wife if you are a man. Your body is own by him if you are a woman and his is own by you if you are a woman. Keeping back your body from him/her by sexual deprivation is sin. It is defraud. It is like refusing to give honor to whom honor is due.
Katabrabeuō is Greek word for defraud which in its original sense means to award the prize against. Figuratively it means to beguile of reward.
Sex is one of the rewards for marriage. It is a God given benefit or award to those who are married. It is considered as fraud or beguile of reward to give sex that is supposed to be given to your partner to someone else.
Just as the glory of God shall not be given to another or to any graven image, your sexuality should not be given to another person except your husband or wife.
Pleonekteō is another Greek word for defraud which means to get an advantage, or make a gain of other.
The apostle Paul said that what he could have considered gain to himself, he loss for the sake of other so he might win them to Christ. In the same vein, couple should give up the gain they should get or the advantage they could get from their partners because of their partners interest so that they could win them to their side and for Christ in their marriage.
Sukophanteō is a Greek compound word for defraud where the English word sycophant is derived. It also means to exact unlawfully, to extort or to take by false accusation.
WAYS ONE CAN BE DEFRAUDED OR DEFRAUDS OTHERS
One of the things that God commanded us not to do is to defraud one another. The Bible teaches many ways one can be defrauded or defrauds others. And some of these ways are:
1. ROBBING OF ONE’S WAGES OR HIRE OR THE WITHHOLDING OF WORKERS’ WAGES:
God warned that we should pay those that worked for us at the end of their services or after rendering their services to us. And we should let their wage sleep the next day, if we agreed to pay them after they rendered their services.
“Thou shalt not defraud thy neighbour, neither rob him: the wages of him that is hired shall not abide with thee all night until the morning”. Leviticus 19:13
It is a wrong exercise to withhold sex from your partner. It is wrong to keep him/her burning until when you feel to give to him or her. The scripture above teaches that when he/she is due for it, you shouldn’t postpone it. You should give it straight away. You should get interested in it. You should get involved in it. You should ensure your partner is well satisfied.
2. SEXUAL DEFRAUD:
The ground that defraud is permitted is when both couple consent to give a break to sex in order to carry out spiritual activities, demand or obligations; like fasting and prayer. After couples are done with the exercise, they can then resume their sexual activity.
“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency”. 1 Corinthians 7:5
Christians are warn to desist from any manner of defraud. This is because it has grave consequences attached to it.
“That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified”. 1Thessalonia 4:6
ONE OF THE COMMANDMENTS WE SHOULDN’T FAIL TO KNOW
One of the commandments of God to us which we should not fail to know is the one of defraud. This is an act that God doesn’t want us to practice.
“Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother”. Mark 10:19
Defrauding your neighbor can lead to him of her thinking about evil thing to do you. Defrauding your partner in the area of sex could lead him/her into adultery. So, it is a wrong thing to defraud your partner in the area of sex.
“Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren”. 1 Corinthians 6:8
WHAT SEX IN MARRIAGE IS
Sex is an act of benevolence that each couple has the right to receive from his/her partner. Couples shouldn’t seek to render such benevolence to someone who is not your husband or wife. Doing so is unlawful and it is considered as sin of adultery. God hate such act and He will judge those who practice such act.
WHAT BENEVOLENCE MEANS
Three Greek words for benevolence I will be considering here are:
Agapē is a Greek word for benevolence which means love, dear, affection, a love feast or feast of charity.
Sex is a feast. It is a love feast. It is the feast of charity between husband and wife.
Eunoia is another Greek word for benevolence which means kindness. Euphemistically it means conjugal duty or good will.
Sex in marriage is an act of kindness to each other. It is conjugal duty of husband and wife in marriage. It is an act of good will to each other.
Philanthrōpia is another Greek word for benevolence where the English word philanthropy is derived. The word Philanthrōpia implies fondness of mankind, kindness or love towards man.
Sex in marriage is a philanthropical act towards your partner. It is been fond or kind to your marriage partner. When it comes to sex in marriage, each couple is a philanthropist. Depriving your spouse sex is an act of unkindness or unfondness toward your partner.
Sex is also an act of showing love towards your marriage partner. This makes sex a free-gift to each other. Husband and wife shouldn’t pay each other in order to have sex. Our sex organs are freely giving to us by God and freely shall we give to our partners when it is needed.
Let me know your opinion on this.
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